Dear President Obama, Please Leave Me Alone

EMAILPRINT

With the election long over, why are the President’s supporters still receiving countless emails?

Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on your recent re-election. I’m thrilled that you won, and am happy that I was able to contribute to your victory by making a donation to cover roughly three seconds of critical TV ad-time, spending two hours canvassing door-to-door in a Haitian neighborhood that had already early-voted for you 100%, and by forwarding numerous e-mails to my politically like-minded friends reinforcing our shared opinion that Mitt Romney was a major dou***bag.

Now please leave me alone.

In the three weeks since you emerged victorious, I have received five emails of thanks from the Obama campaign, an email of appreciation from you, a (group) phone call from you, a grateful email from Michelle, a survey from the campaign asking for my feedback, a reminder to take the survey from the campaign asking for my feedback, and other assorted “urgent” communications about the road ahead. Some of these have asked for money. You WON. You don’t need more money. Besides, it’s a little ironic, don’t you think, to ask us to help you pay your campaign bills? We elected you, in part, so you could help us pay our bills. Not the other way around.

I get that you appreciate my efforts on your behalf, and I was pleased to receive your initial letter and phone call telling me so. I half-expected that after you won you’d forget about me completely. But enough is enough. It’s starting to feel like you’re sucking up, and not only do I find it unappealing in a president to be doing so, it’s especially unbecoming when my contribution was so minimal. Nobody wants a “stalker” president.

Besides, I helped elect you so you’d govern. You have four years (but really it’s more like 2 ½ before the 2016 election maneuvering kicks in, not to mention the midterms!) to accomplish your agenda, and from what you outlined on the campaign trail, you’re going to need every second to do it. So I’m really not the one who should be telling you this, but: you have to look forward and focus.

And it looks like it’s getting worse. Now the New York Times is reporting that you’re sending out emails to a million supporters asking them to make YouTube videos testifying about the importance of raising taxes so you can use them to influence Congress.

Really? Aren’t you the one with the oratorical gifts? Making your case to Eric Cantor is being outsourced to “Humphrey” in Des Moines?

And I know you’ve been campaigning so long and non-stop that this might be easy to forget, but it’s over. Done. You can’t run again. You’re finally in a position where you don’t have to kiss up to peons like me anymore. Go. Fly, Mr. President, fly. Pursue your agenda.

In the weeks leading up to the election, I woke up hours early to see you at a rally, and I rearranged an entire afternoon just so I could join a group phone call in which you revved up us volunteers to go the extra mile and make sure you got re-elected. But frankly, now I’m starting to dread seeing emails from you or Michelle or anything with the word “Obama” in my inbox. I know you’re not just writing to say “hi.” There’s going to be a request for money. Or time. Or the email addresses of my friends to help build a strong Democratic Party of the future. Or to make a %$#* YouTube video.  I really, really don’t want to start feeling about you the way I do about certain charities I’ve contributed to, who spend my entire donation trying to get me to send them more donations.  So please. Stop. I can’t take “four more years” of this stuff.

I still look forward to seeing you on television hoisting a pen to sign a historic bill, announcing a new Supreme Court nomination, or delivering a stem-winder of a speech cajoling Congress to stop stalling on something and spring into action.

Just please, no more communiques intended for me. I want to be in your corner, cheering you on. Not hiding in mine, avoiding your solicitations. At least for the next year. Or, if you really can’t help yourself, six months.

So please, Mr. President. Go fight the good fight to which you were re-elected.

I’ll read about it in the papers.

Sincerely,

Stan Sinberg

About Stan Sinberg

Stan is an award-winning newspaper columnist, radio commentator, and features writer whose humor has appeared in everything from the NY Times to WSJ and MAD Magazine. Stan is a native New Yorker living on the west coast. His website is www.stansinberg.com and you can email him at stan@stansinberg.com or follow him on Twitter @ssinberg1
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